In Circles
by Cradlerobber Speedo-kun
Summary: For perhaps the fourth time in his life, Sean Cameron had walked in on something he wished he had never seen." - It seems he'll always be in circles when it comes to certain things. Minor slash, minor swearing, and some not-so-happy issues.


A/N: This bit of weirdness suddenly came to me from… I don't know. I was shoveling, and it presented itself to my mind. Freaky, slashy, and… ooc-y? Hmm… Technically AU-y, too, but, then again, pretty much all fanfiction is anyway…

Also, I hope this isn't too hard to follow, because it sorta shifts point in time quite frequently throughout without much warning. Only way I could do it, really.

Title is taken from a song by Sunny Day Real Estate.

**In Circles**

For perhaps the fourth time in his life, Sean Cameron had walked in on something he wished he had never seen. And it was the third time that it was the same thing; the only thing different was that the people involved were different over the years. He grabbed at the door, the sense of deja vu almost overwhelming him, and clutched at the worn wood in a feeble attempt to stabilize himself. Splinters bit into his desperate fingers, and he fought the urge to be ill.

Through his mind's eye, he saw many years ago a younger version of himself staring at his older brother sprawled on a bed and crying, knowing his brother had just walked in. And then he saw himself, years later and even more years wiser, seeing Ellie Nash sitting on the edge of a bed, staring at her arms and the floor, knowing he was there. And now he was back to the present, doing his best to stand in a doorway and see the same scene he had seen over the years and from another person he hadn't expected it from (1).

First Tracker (2), then Ellie, and now, tears also flowing but familiar scowl there, Jay Hobart.

And the following was the same as always. He moved forward into the room, and the person there yelled, told him to get lost. Or they tried to at least. Jay growled hoarsely, "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Cameron? Get the fuck out of here!" Tracker yelled too, telling him to go to bed. Ellie wouldn't look and told him to leave.

But he had never listened. He climbed onto the bed with his older brother, and just sat there and allowed his brother to hug, ignoring the fact that blood was seeping onto the new pajamas he had gotten for Christmas. He sat down next to Ellie, and she leaned onto him, saying nothing but just crying quietly as blood ran down onto her bed's blankets. Jay screamed this time, his voice becoming more shrill by the moment, but Sean sat next to him and took his arm, running a finger over the ruts that had been formed by a self-wielded razor, ignoring the little jolts Jay gave whenever his finger hit one of the newly formed cuts.

It was always the people he really cared for. His parents had never been seen like this, nor had Amy ever been like this. And never any of Tracker's meaningless girlfriends. No, not one. Always the people he really cared for.

They all hated him when he first appeared. But they were always glad for him being there. It lifted a weight. Someone cared. Someone didn't mind the fact that they were bleeding on him, he just minded that the one for whom he cared had injured themselves like that. The only times in his life where he was the savior, not the saved.

Tracker's arms began to scab over, and Sean was still there with him. Sean went to the bathroom and got gauze, then wrapped Ellie's arms. Jay kept yanking his arms away from the concerned Sean, and continued to curse and tell him to leave, shoving him occasionally. Sean knew that in some ways he was relieved someone else knew, but the majority of him still hated that Sean knew and wanted him gone. But Sean didn't leave. He had been right to not leave the times before, and he knew he was right this time too, even if this didn't seem clear at the moment.

Life had taught Sean to be ready for this sort of thing. He eventually wore Jay down, and an hour later Jay's arms were still bleeding from his attempts to get rid of Sean, but he was sitting down. He was cursing Sean as Sean jammed anti-septic wipe after anti-septic wipe into his cuts, but Sean ignored the cursing and the small jerky movements Jay gave off in pain as the anti-septic wipes burned away any germs there could be in the gouges of his arms.

Tracker's arms were covered in scabs when he had finally fallen asleep, arms still clutched around his younger brother. Ellie didn't jerk around when Sean wrapped her arms up, and he held her until the crash of a gin bottle alerted them to her mother's drunkedness downstairs. Jay faded to a shadow of himself, eyes dully staring and mouth no longer protesting as Sean finally wrapped his arms up in gauze.

Sean fell asleep after listening to the heavy breathing of his sleeping brother. Sean followed Ellie worriedly down the stairs as they went to check on her alcoholic mother. Sean let a world-weary Jay lean against him, and the damaged clock on the wall ticked every other second.

He kissed his brother on the cheek when he woke up the next morning. He put his arms around Ellie and kissed the back of her neck when her shoulders drooped at the sight of her intoxicated mother. He kissed Jay's forehead in the silence between the ticks of the clock.

It was always the people he really cared about.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(1) Alright, so maybe he could expect it from Ellie. But I'm going for a nice flow to the story, and that would disrupt it. I'm looking at this from a standpoint of that she had been able to stop for a while and suddenly slid back without warning.

(2) I, sadly, do not remember the author or title of the fanfic, but there is an ElliexSean fic out there in which it is mentioned that Tracker used to cut himself. That's what made me even think of including him in this. If it weren't for that, I think this story would be a great deal less… cohesive.

(3) Yeah, I know, the slash was pretty minor, but, hey, this fic evolved as I wrote it, so don't blame me! … ok, ok, so you could sort of blame me since I wrote it, but, hey, isn't it good anyway?


End file.
